


Are We Rivals

by wolfstsrshipper



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood, Blood and Injury, Child Abuse, Comfort/Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugged Sex, Drugs, Drunk Sex, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Gangs, Gore, Gore and Blood, Gun Violence, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Gore, Non-Consensual Drug Use, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Physical Abuse, References to Drugs, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Running Away, Self-Harm, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Smoking, Smut, Substance Abuse, Violence, dorlene, fluff maybe, gun use, jily, smut MAYBE, some gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:48:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21721279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfstsrshipper/pseuds/wolfstsrshipper
Summary: Even as a boy, Sirius Black knew his family was dark. Of course, most gangs were dark. But he was certain his family's was the worst of them. It was quite certain that even other countries had heard of them since they had places throughout the world, their main base being in Europe. Ever since they crossed the line, he knew he had to get out. The only problem was getting out. Once they had a hold on you, there was nothing they wouldn't do to keep you.Once Remus Lupin finally got away from his abusive father, he joined the D.A.. The safest and most accepting gang in all of Europe. Highly secretive and very powerful. One might say as powerful as the Death Eaters. He had worked himself up over the years and now is considered - unanimously and unspokenly - the leader. When a man about his age turns up to his home, half-conscious, bleeding and with a deep gash taken out of his arm, there is nothing to do but let him collapse on his couch and wait till the morning to get answers.Remus took a liking to Sirius and quickly accepted him. Sirius tried at all costs to hide his past, and Remus tried to uncover it. But it got more difficult as people from Sirius's past keep coming after him.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 64





	1. Waking Up

Sirius woke with a pounding headache and an ache all over. The main place that hurt was his arm. It burned. It felt like someone had bitten his flesh off. He barely even had enough energy to open his eyes, but as his mind came closer to being conscious, he began to recognize that people were talking. “..ed an alternative?”

“No! I’m just saying it wasn’t smart! Especially with the developments that Dumbledore is planning on making in the plan. Look at the dude’s arm! There is a huge chunk out of it. That’s where most people have their tattoos, especially when they're in a gang."

“Okay. Well, next time someone comes to your doorstep at 2 in the morning, half-conscious and barely making any sense you just shut the door in their face.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying are you sure you should be letting him stay?” Sirius slowly opened his eyes and glanced around. He was laying down on a leather couch in a living room. There were two black leather chairs across him, and in between there was a glass table. The dark oaked floor had a white rug under the table and the walls were painted a creamy sort of white. All the extra furniture was a deep brown or black. In the corner, there sat an ordinary chair with a sheet of paper above it that read "Teddy's Timeout Space." And behind that was a set of stairs going to the upper level.

There were two men about his age in his line of sight, and there was another person that he could feel standing behind him. 

“Why wouldn’t I be? If he’s in that state, what else could I have done?” The tall one snapped. He had scars that were wrapped around his arms and wound up into his shirt sleeve. He had a particular scar that ran from his right eyebrow down to the left corner of his mouth, crossing over his nose. His eyes were a gorgeous shade of amber. His arms had several tattoos that seemed to merge together. He couldn't tell what they were at this distance.

“Oh, I don’t know, an ambulance?” The other replied, rolling his eyes. He was only slightly smaller. He had jet black hair and deep brown eyes, a pair of glasses and broad shoulders. He had only two visible tattoos, one on his forearm and one on his bicep. Also too far away to tell.“The only reason you didn’t was that you find him hot and interesting.”

“Shut up.”

“Boys, stop fighting. This is ridiculous. Remus has already tended to him, when he wakes up, we’ll just send him on his way.” A feminine voice said from behind him. The two men turned to her. 

“Babe-”

“Wait.” Remus said, cutting him off, meeting Sirius’s eyes. Sirius watched as a woman with fiery red hair came into his line of sight. She had emerald green eyes and freckles that dusted over her nose and onto her cheekbones. She was unmarked other than the word "Prongs" on her left wrist. Suddenly, all eyes were on him. 

Sirius had to fight down the bit of panic that raced through his mind. His mind was used to bad things happening when all the attention was on him. Sirius tried his best to keep his eyes open and not let himself fall back into unconsciousness.”Well, are you going to say something or keep staring at him all weirdly?” The woman asked. Then, she sat down on the floor with her legs crossed. “Do you remember what happened?” She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Sirius tried to sit up but found it difficult, his head whirled at the amount of energy for the motion.

She gently put a hand on his shoulder, trying to gently lay him back down, but Sirius flinched and she quickly removed it. “Can you understand me? Parlez vous Anglais?” 

“Yeah,” Sirius said, his voice hoarse. “Yeah, I can. And I do.”

“What’s your name?” The tall one asked immediately.

“Remus, be kind.” The woman scolded.

“Sirius.” He answered.

“Yes, I’m serious.”

“No. That’s my name.” 

“Your name is Sirius?”

“Yes.”

“Sirius?” The one with the jet black hair said, a huge grin on his face.

“Now’s not the time for a pun, James.” Remus sighed. “How did you get here?”

“I walked, obviously.” 

“Okay, why are you here though?” James asked.

“I guess I just chose to pass out here? Fuck if I know. You were the only house I had seen in five minutes and I wasn’t about to let myself bleed out on the road.” Slowly, his voice grew more and more normal. He began to sit up again, but his head spun just the same. The woman reached over slowly and helped set him up properly, keeping her hands very steady and visible. “Sorry.” He whispered.

“It’s fine.” She whispered back.

“You don’t have asthma do you?” Remus asked bluntly.

“No? Why?” 

“Good.” He took out a carton of cigarettes and opened it, handing one to James. 

“Hey, not here this is a rental. Also, Teddy’s here.”

“Ah, shite.” Remus grumbled, shoving it back in his pocket. Did they have a kid? 

“Teddy?” Sirius asked.

“My kid. He’s about five.” Why did that name sound familiar?

“Oh. Well. I better be going. Places to go. People to meet. Thanks for letting me bleed on your couch.” Sirius said, beginning to stand up. The only problem with that was as soon as he did so, his vision blurred and a shooting pain ran up his foot all the way to his hip. The room darkened and he had to use the couch’s arm for support to remain standing. 

“Sirius, honey, sit down.” The woman said, gently pushing him onto the couch. He gave no protest and let himself fall back into the couch cushion. “We need to take him to a hosp-”

“No.” Sirius said before she could even finish the statement. He said it so boldly that he could see it took her by surprise. Everyone looked at him again. Remus sent him an analyzing look.

“Why?”

“I… I can’t.”

“Why _not_?” Remus pressed harder. Sirius glanced at his arm. There was no way he could tell these new people that he had just gotten out of the grips of the Death Eaters. “Who are you hiding from?”

“I… I can't tell you…”

“ _Why_?” Remus kept pressing. 

"Remus, give the guy a break," James said, glancing nervously at Sirius who was currently burying his head in his hand.

"Lily, James can you go check in on Teddy?"

"Re-" Lily started to say, but after he gave her a look, she sighed and squeezed Sirius's shoulder. 

Sirius would be nervous to be alone in a room with the Head of the D.A., but apparently there was a kid upstairs, and based on all the things he's heard about the D.A., they would never let a kid go through what his parents put him through. 

Sirius's earliest memory was of him standing in a crib, crying. He heard screams and yells echo off the walls and slip under through the crack between the door and the floor. He remembered the way the door was thrown open before quickly being slammed shut. The way Andromeda came right up and picked Sirius up, telling him he had to stop crying. Telling him over and over "shhhh, the televisions just too loud. Shhh, don't let your mama come up here." 

The burden of having a photographic memory was the fact that he could still see her panicked, scared, and broken face. Her mournful eyes. To this day he still wondered exactly what it she saw down there.

She was only ten years old. 

"Sirius?" Remus asked, a look of concern in his eyes. He was sitting in front of him, his chair turned backwards and his arms crossed on top of the back of the seat. Up close, he could see his eyes had little gold flecks in them with a light greenish-brown rim. His eyes looked almost like honey. The tattoos on his arms were of flowers, a wolf, the sky, the moon, the woods, and a quote here and there. 

"Hm?"

"You okay, mate?"

"'Course, why?" 

"I've only said your name three times." 

"Oh. Sorry," that was one thing Sirius had to get better at, not spacing out and getting lost in his thoughts. It was his survival mechanism back home, but out here that wouldn't work here. "Sorry."

"So, Sirius. Got a last name?"

"'Course I do, what kinda question is that?"

"What is it?" Sirius remained silent. "Who are you running from?"

"Bad people." 

"How bad?" 

"Bad enough to where I should probably get going soon." Remus nodded. 

"We'll move in the morning, then." 

"How are you so calm about this? Why are you letting me stay?"

"You have no wire, no phone, no way to communicate. Your alone, can barely stand, and have the look."

"What look."

"A look only others who have it will see it. I guarantee you see it in me too." Remus stood up and shoved the chair back against the wall. "If you need anything, ask for Lily. I'll be occupied." Remus turned the corner and started climbing up the steps two at a time. "Get rest, maybe you'll be able to move by yourself in the morning."

"Wait!" Sirius called. 

"Yes?" Remus said, slightly annoyed. 

"How long have I been out? What's today? And what time is it?"

"You've only been out about 20 hours. It's nearly 10.30 now. Oh and don't play my games." With that, he disappeared. _Games?_ Sirius thought, looking around. Then he caught a little beam of light reflected off a big black surface, which he mistook for part of the cupboard. Under was about 10 games and two controllers. He couldn't tell what system from this distance, but he didn't care. 

Sirius shook his head lightly and carefully laid back down, curling up into a half-protective ball and letting himself slip back into unconsciousness. Maybe when he woke up it wouldn't feel as if a nail was being hammered into his brain.


	2. Dumbledore's Input

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to move Grimmauld Place to France and make Sirius's family directly french and not English.... don't be mad... TW: its about gang stuff, so if anything that's affiliated with gangs it will probably be in here. (ex. drugs, alcohol, smoking, violence, guns, maybe(?) sex, mild gore, not in that order of course.)

Remus glanced down the steps. He could only see the top of Sirius's head, but it was clear he was already laying down. Most likely even asleep. Remus sighed and stretched, he had barely left the room ever since the man had shown up. 

His first thought was, this man was jumped. But after seeing him awake, almost completely unshaken (he wasn't sure if the man noticed his new clean and warm clothes) and struggling to remain unflinching at the simplest physical contact, it was clear he was running from people who hurt him. And judging by the amount of scars, both faded and recent, he had hidden under his shirt, it was someone who hurt him repeatedly for a long, long time. 

That left only one option. Abusive family who was part of a gang. That's why he cut his skin off, he must have been trying to hide the mark. And the added fact that he refused to mention his last name or who he's hiding from.

Of course, there could be other explanations, but that was the most likely. 

He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair, shoving it out of his eyes before opening the door to his son’s room. Lily and James were both sitting at a table and coloring. Teddy seemed to be colouring a drawing of Strawberry Shortcake, Lily was colouring a dog, and James a picture of a football. Teddy was the first to see Remus standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. “Daddy!” He shouted, a huge smile lighting up his face. 

“Hi!”

“Daddy, I’m colouring stwaberwy shortcake. See?” He said, holding up the drawing for Remus to see. Remus always found it so adorable how much trouble Teddy had saying "strawberry." 

Remus crossed the room and crouched down next to him. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Do you wanna colour with us?” 

“Okay. But only for a minute, bud, then you must get to bed.”

“But I’m not tired.” 

“How about this, if you go to bed when your Dad says, I’ll let you have some coffee in the morning, yeah?” James offered. 

“Really?” Teddy said eagerly.

“Really.”

“Oi! I’m standing right here!” They all knew of Remus's disapproval on Teddy having coffee so young.

“Actually, I believe you are sitting, Moony,” Lily said smugly. Remus shot her a look and took the remaining colouring book. Flipping to a random page of a giant rose. 

“That didn’t take long,” James remarked after a moment.

“I wasn’t going to… take the usual route.” Remus said cryptically.

“Why not? Does someone else need to seeing as how you don't have the-”

“James, language,” Lily cut him off exasperatedly. 

“Right.” 

“No. Just… I’m going to call Dumbledore and see what he says. I’m sure he has some advice or knows something. After all, you know the extent of the things he does. How much he knows.”

“Yeah.” Lily agreed.

“I think Sirius threw you off your game,” James added after a moment.

“How so?”

“You weren’t all intimidating and threatening.”

“He just woke up. I didn’t see a reason.”

“Like that would have stopped you. What is it about him?”

“Lily help me out here,” Remus begged.

“Nuh-uh. I’m not getting between this.”

“Oh come on.” James started.

“But Lily, you always have an opinion!" 

“Yeah!” Teddy agreed. 

“Teddy you don’t even know what we are talking about,” Lily said kindly. 

“Well, I’m on Daddy’s side.”

“Thank you!” Remus said, scooping the child up into his arms and planting a kiss on his son’s cheek. “At least _someone’s_ on my side.”

“He’s five and he’s your kid. That doesn’t count for sh- for anything.” James laughed.

“Whatever. Time to go to bed, bud.”

“Do I have to?”

“Yeah, we are gonna go in the morning.”

“What?” Both James and Lily asked.

“Why? I like it here.” Teddy whined.

“This isn’t where we live, we are just taking a vacation,” Remus said with patience.

“A short cut vacation?”

“Hush,” Remus said, glancing at James for his grumbled comment. 

“But I like France!” Teddy argued.

“You don’t even speak french, Teddy,” Remus told him, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah! Lily’s been teaching me!”

“Has she now?” Remus asked, carrying him a few steps over to the bed.

“Yeah.”

“Say something in French.” He prompted his son.

“Uh….. bon-joor.”

“ _Bonjour_.” Remus corrected.

“That's what I said.”

“Okay.” Remus laid him in the bed and pulled the covers up to his shoulders. 

"Can you read me a story, daddy." Lily and James silently slipped out of the room and closed the door.

"Ohhh…" He glanced at the clock, which read five till eleven. "Yeah. One story though, and then you must fall asleep, okay?" He said, tickling Teddy's side, who turned over and giggled. He swung around a miniature chair from the table and sat down, leaned backward, scanned the books for the shortest one, and decided to tell the story called "The Zax." by Dr. Suess.

Halfway through, Teddy had dozed off. Remus set the chair back and slid the book back onto the shelf. He leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, then turned out the lights and closed the door behind him. Remus really enjoyed renting out people's personal homes, he was gonna have to do it again. All that he had to do was pick up and get their clothes together. 

Remus went back downstairs to the kitchen to find James and Lily at the table, having a drink. "So we're cutting our vacation short? Why?" James asked, almost in a whiney voice identical to Teddy's. 

"He's in need of medical assistance." Remus opened the fridge and removed two more drinks from the shelf, opening his own and sliding the other over to James, seeing as how it was almost empty. "He won't go to someone here, and there are people after him. There are people after us. We've been here for three weeks, we've risked being this far from home for long enough. And I have Teddy with me. I'm not taking that chance." There was a heavy silence and Lily got up, downing the rest of her beer before tossing the bottle into the trash can.

"Alright. I'll go start packing."

"I'll start picking up I guess. You need to call Dumbledore."

"Yes, I'm aware." 

"Moony, relax. You've been all tense and hyper-aware ever since he got here." Lily said, walking over and rubbing his shoulders. "Go eat, have a warm shower, take a nap. we'll keep an eye on him." 

"You're sure?"

"Yes mate, we're sure," James said, opening the other bottle of beer.

"Alright, but keep a close eye on him."

"We know." Lily sighed. "Stop worrying, we'll be gone in a few hours, I doubt anything will happen that soon."

"There will probably be people out looking for him, and who knows how far away he's come from the people he was running from. He said five minutes was all he walked." 

"Maybe from the last house he saw?" James supplied. 

"Or someone could have just dropped him off out here and driven away. Tried to ditch him in the middle of nowhere and didn't expect a house to be out here." Lily added.

"Then why is he hiding?" Remus asked. 

"Maybe whoever dropped him off was on his side. He's hiding from the others, and they could be miles and miles away." Lily said.

"Or a five minutes walk. And James I thought you weren't on his side."

"I'm on no one's side. Sirius just deserves someone to speak for him since he can't at the present moment." He gestured to the man, who was fast asleep on the couch. They all watched him in silence. 

"Yeah, okay." Remus gave a heavy sigh before finishing off his drink. "I just… I can tell we're not going to get information out of him no matter what method we use. The ones we _will_ use unlike those savages The Death Eaters."

"I think he's not giving us information for the same reason we're reluctant to let him come with us. He doesn't know us and doesn't trust us. If he's from someone, something, or somewhere we might have heard of, he'll be scared of our reactions when he is just trying to not get caught and killed." James always tried to play devil's advocate in a situation, unless he had a strong opinion on the matter. He knew, though, it was all came down to whatever Remus's decision would be.

Remus sat there and stared at the man, who was completely asleep. There was no way he could just drop him off somewhere and abandon him. In a way, Remus saw himself in Sirius. The scared and lost look in his eyes. The brokenness that showed he had seen true horrors. The silent pleading of “take me in and give me a home” that clashed against the “don’t get attached because I will run in a heartbeat” shining in his eyes, but it was only visible to someone like them. Only someone like them could _see_.

Being the head of the D.A., he was used to being able to tell when people were traitors. He could see and read people like an open book, it was a talent he had. He needed to be able to see when they were spies or people trying to get in to destroy them from the inside. Of course, Remus was still human and could make mistakes. There had been an occasion when he seriously misjudged a person.

But Sirius, who had a concussion and probably what felt like the world’s worst hangover, completely vulnerable, showed no signs of any of that. Sirius surely knew they were part of a gang, but to what extent Remus was unsure.

Still, it was a risk he couldn’t take, not with all the developments Dumbledore had planned. 

“We’ll take him back to London and decide what to do with him there,” Remus confirmed. Lily nodded and James let out a sigh. 

“Alright.” James tossed his two bottles into the trash and stood up. “Marls probably won’t like it though.”

“Marls doesn’t like anything or anyone except Dee.” Remus chuckled. James shrugged his shoulders, then stretched out his arms over his head, giving a small yawn. 

“Just saying, expect her to say something about it.”

“She always has something to say,” Lily said, almost thoughtfully.

“No matter, I doubt I’ll be bringing him back to the house.”

“I thought you said he-”

“Yeah, I’ll just bring Dee to see him and tell her that until I decide what to do with him, keep it to herself.”

“Okay, well where are you going to bring him then? Surely not your personal home. Not the base, and not the safe house. You can’t just rent another home.”

“We have the money to though, so it might be the most plausible option, Lils,” James told her.

“Look, we’ll work all this out when we're _in_ London,” Remus repeated. “Start packing up, I’ll be up there to help in a second.”

“Okay.” Remus stood up and took out his cell phone, scrolling through to the bottom where Dumbledore’s number was. He walked out through the backdoor and onto the deck, sliding his cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it, inhaling deeply before letting out his breath and watching as smoke mixed with the fog his breath created, rising into the night sky. He looked back down at his phone and hit the dial button. It rang about three times before a voice on the other end picked up. “Hello?”

“Hello, Albus.” Remus was only ever supposed to say ‘It’s Lupin’ if he was being forced to call Dumbledore.. And seeing as how Remus was the only one who had his contact information in the gang, there was no reason for him to waste time on formalities such as that. Dumbledore was the official head of the D.A., but he was almost always somewhere else in the world, off doing some sort of business with someone. Remus was the unofficial and unspoken leader of the gang. The only way to reach the top was through him. Remus approved everything, and he called all the final shots. Dumbledore was rarely ever involved. 

“Hello, Remus.”

“Is there any house available that is not a personal home, the safe house, or the headquarters which is located outside of London?” There was a silence on the other end of the line.

"Yes. We do. I'll send you the address. Why, may I ask."

"That's the second thing I wanted to talk to you about." Remus turned his head and looked at the house, like he would be able to see Sirius through the wall. He took another drag of his cigarette, trying to decide where best to start. It was both a long story and a short one. 

At two in the morning, when Remus had just finished a round on his video game and was going to go upstairs and get some sleep, there was a frantic knocking at the door. He turned the television off and opened the drawer in the side cabinet where he kept a gun. He glanced to make sure the safety was on before sliding it between his jeans and boxers, keeping a hand on the grip. He went to the door and slowly opened it, keeping his side which held his gun facing away from the door. 

There was a man standing there. He had messy, silky, wavy black hair just to his shoulders. A pronounced jawline, grey eyes that looked like storm clouds, and was about as tall as Remus, but maybe a decimeter taller. He had a black eye, which was really more green and purple looking, a bashed and bleeding lip, a few scrapes here and there, and he was limping. The most significant injury, however, was the chunk of skin on his forearm that was missing. Blood dripped down to his fingertips and dried blood was caked around it. It was about a decimeter by two decimeters in width and length. 

“Woah, qu'est-il arrivé?” He had asked, extremely taken off guard. Sirius had said a few words, maybe in English or maybe in some made-up language that one uses when they are about to pass out, before swaying and falling onto Remus, his eyes closed and body unresponding. Very much unconscious.

Remus picked him up and carried him over to the couch, scanning him over. "James! Keep Teddy upstairs! Lily! Bring down the first aid kit! I'm not hurt but hurry!" He called up the stairs.

Remus immediately began to unzip his thick leather jacket and take it off along with his shirt, his clothes were all black so it was extremely difficult to see if there were any other places bleeding, any bruises that could indicate internal bleeding, or prominent bulges that could signal a broken bone. The first thing he noted was the amount of old faded scars there were on his torso. There were even ones that looked rather fresh, he would dare say healed within a year. Right under his collar bone, in extremely faded, small, cursive print, was two words. It was slashed through by a shiny scar that looked just recently healed over within the month There were several small bruises clustered together along the right - Sirius’s right - side of the body. The bruises had deep brown and green centers surrounded by purple rings. In some of the centers, there would be a small opening.

Remus gently turned him over on his side, trying to get a look at his backside to make sure there weren't any injuries. It was hard to make out what colour his skin was on his backside, there was blood smeared everywhere. The only thing on his backside was a slash running from his left shoulder down to his waist, the deepest point being near his shoulder. There should have been a lot more with how deep it ran. Had someone tried to kill him, but failed and ended up dragging the weapon down or something? He turned him on his side completely so as to not stretch the skin of his back and make it drip any more blood than necessary. 

Most likely he had been slashed and he threw his jacket on so it closed the wound and kept pressure on it, momentarily stopping the bleeding for the most part.

Lily had rushed downstairs, carrying a bag with her. "Remus why do you ne- oh my god." She gasped, running down the last two steps and over to the couch. "Is he unconscious?" Lily asked, immediately taking things out of the first aid bag. 

"Yes." 

"Call the hospital." 

"No." 

" _Remus_ -"

" _No_. I'll explain later." She gave a frustrated groan and brought out some super glue. 

"We don't have much, but until we figure out what to do this will have to work."

"What if he moves?"

"It will most likely stay. It's better than nothing at all at least." Remus kept him up as Lily went along the tear in his skin and closed it up as best she could, then took out rags and cleaned all of the blood that had run from it in that short amount of time. "I'm surprised it didn't bleed more with how deep the slash went." She said nervously, the hint of "is he bleeding out?" Clear in her voice. 

"I think the jacket helped bind it together, it was rather tight and zipped closed." Once his back was pretty clean, he could see several scars, he dares say as many as Remus himself had, if not more. Lily nodded and took out bandages, then began to cover it up. After she super glued the cuts together on his ribcage and put a small band-aid on them, she rubbed some sort of cream along the bruises. Carefully, they turned him so he sat up somewhat upright and wrapped his torso from right under his arms all the way to his pant line. 

"I take it he had nothing on his legs?" Lily asked as they laid him back down. Immediately, she pulled the guy's arm to her and began to bandage and wrap it. There was too much skin gone where super glue would have been useless. 

" _Fuck!_ " Remus instantly ran a hand down both legs checking for any wet spots. 

"Remus just take his fucking pants _off_ ," Lily said. She finished his arm and then roughly stepped in front of him, gently peeling off his jeans. "And take off his shoes for me." 

The only other thing he had were bruises. James came downstairs with a spare change of clothes, a syringe, and a small bottle of the D.A.'s lidocaine-solu.

"Well. He showed up at the house last night-" Remus began to explain

"He? Who's he?" Dumbledore cut him off.

"This guy. Sirius. He wouldn't give us a last name. He was unconscious for about 22 hours, every five we would give him our Lidocaine solution, you know the one we experimented with and created. When he woke up, I don't think he even realized we had bandaged his torso. To be fair, Lidocaine-solu is really strong." Dumbledore was silent, Remus took another drag of his cigarette. He was already a fourth of the way finished with it. "He showed up on our doorstep last night, several injuries and shit, we got him kinda fixed up but we still need Dorcas. He  _ refused  _ to go to the hospital. He's running from someone, my theory is a gang. I need to know about him. If I can trust him."

"Is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"He has stormy gray eyes, long black, wavy hair. His name is Sirius. He's just a decimeter taller than me, my age, and a chunk of his arm is missing, I assume he ripped it out with a knife or something. There’s a tattoo that has been sliced through right under his collar bone. Bloody rough-looking scar. The ink is all faded so I couldn’t make out what it said, other than it was probably in French." 

"Which arm," Dumbledore asked suspiciously.

"To Sirius it would be his left arm, I believe. Hang on I took a photograph." He brought the phone away from his ear and started a new conversation in his messages, sending a photograph to Dumbledore’s current phone number. Remus had taken the photo of the guy after they dressed him back up. He brought the phone back to his ear and waited a good five minutes before there was an answer.

"I know who he is."

"You do? Who?" Remus asked, hopeful.

“I can’t tell you that. It is not for me to say. There is a reason why he didn’t want you to know, and it is a very valid and understandable reason. Please don’t force it out of him, it will only make Sirius shut down.”

“Yeah. He has scars all over him, I kinda get the idea he’s used to being pressed. I doubt there would ever be anything I’d be okay with doing that would break him.”   
“You are exactly right. I’ll send you the address. And Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“I would get back as soon as possible. Be safe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it gets better, we're just getting started, my friends. and when they go back to Europe you'll get to start seeing the 'gang leader business' guy side of him. I bet you love how eloquent i am in my notes.


	3. The Start Of Sirius's Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: for personal reasons, such as realizing how much of a freaking age difference there is between Tonks and Lupin, I will not be having this 23-year-old date a ten-year-old and have a kid. So, Tonks and Nymphadora will be two separate people.  
> Nymphadora: Andie/Ted's kid  
> Tonks: Remus lupins past girlfriend who is dead and is AGE APPROPRIATE FOR LUPIN lets say shes 22. one year younger. not 12.  
> Both Nymphadora and Tonks are related to Sirius. Andromeda is Sirius's cousin through her mom's side, making her kid whatever that is to Sirius (cousin once removed?). Tonks is Sirius's cousin on Orion's side.  
> TRIGGER WARNING IN THIS CHAPTER: Reference to self-harm, talk of past self-harm, talk of suicide attempt, suicide mention  
> Nymphadora and Tonks = 2 different people. Thanks for being understanding. I know I keep messing with canon, but then again thats kinda the point of a fanfic...so....

Sirius was used to having night terrors. He was used to waking up with a racing heart and a panicked mind. 

He was glad for how his mind was choosing to dream tonight. Nothing bad had happened in his dreams, at least nothing that he already hasn't gone through. It was no new experience. It was one of those dreams where you watch yourself from afar, you can see yourself from an outside perspective and think your own thoughts while actively seeing things through a first-person point of view simultaneously. If he had to pick the types of bad dreams he had, he would diffidently choose these kinds of dreams. 

He was back at Grimmauld Place, in the living room. The house was completely empty aside from himself and Andromeda. He was fifteen years old. Andromeda had just turned twenty-eight. She was the prized possession of The Black Family. Of The Death Eaters. She was perfect in every way. Both to The Death Eaters and to Sirius. What they didn't know was that she was helping the D.A.. They didn't know that every time she got the chance, she would meet with Dumbledore. They also didn't know about her secret husband and daughter, Nymphadora. 

Sirius's parents and brother weren't expected back until the next evening. 

He was up in his room when he heard shouting. It surprised him, especially when he recognized it was from Andromeda. He rushed down the stairs and hid in the shadows, ready to step in and intervene in case she was in trouble. 

She didn't appear to be in trouble, but what he did see was a man who was extremely tall, lean, and pale. He had sparkling blue eyes and a crooked nose, like it had been broken once upon a time. He had half-moon glasses and a long white beard. He was standing in the living room near the table. Andromeda was in front of him, closer to the stairs and her back facing Sirius. That was one thing about any of The Death Eaters, they liked to have their backs to walls and be near exits, especially keeping there back to them so they can watch and run in a moment's notice. The instinct was stronger in Sirius, since he was constantly on the punishing end of most things. 

"Andromeda, I would be offering you protection, of course."

"You can't just go and say that! You cant go and make those types of promises! If Sirius hears you'll give him hope! He's already looking for ways to cope, he's always drunk! I'm worried every day he won't _be here_ the next! That one day they'll break him. Why do you think they never leave him on his own anymore? Not that I'd blame him if he did, what he goes through everyday. Look, you can't just go and promise things and tell me all these pretty lies wrapped in a gorgeous bow, they're not real. There's _nothing_ you can do. And I'll die before you give him false hope, because the last thing he needs is that final hope to die and for him to give up."

"Andromeda, it's not false hope. Why do you think I am giving it to him? I want him to fight to be here, you shouldn't have to fight for Sirius's life against him. It's gotten so bleak for you that you can't _see_. I'm giving him hope for the future, that if something happens we will be here to do the best we can to protect him."

"They're gonna kill him before he even gets the chance! I try my best but that doesn't mean he still doesn't end up in the basement for _days_ at a time, _bleeding_ and _bruised_ and with broken bones! I can't tell you how many nights I have to listen to _screaming_ , to _his_ screaming. If that ever happens to Nymphadora, to my husband. I don't think I'll be able to live anymore. So you saying this, you offering this is putting everyone in danger. I won't have you do that to me. To us." 

"I understand." He seemed to give up, to stop fighting. He sighed heavily and looked up, meeting Sirius's eyes. He would never forget the look in his eyes. It seems to say so much yet so little. There were millions of unspoken words and answers in them, but at the same time impossible to interpret. “May I at least talk to the boy?” 

“Are you gonna say things like, ‘hey! Runaway with me and join the D.A.!’” Sirius always found it really annoying when Andromeda made decisions on his behalf. She meant the best for him. She really did, but she went out of her way to keep him in the dark about a lot of things. Like, for one, the fact that the D.A. was potentially powerful enough to save him. To help him. Of course, logically, it would have to be the last option. There would be more people trying to kill him in much worse ways than people trying to hurt him. 

He wasn’t selfish. He wouldn’t risk Andromeda, Ted, and Nympadora’s life for his own. Under any circumstance. 

“No. Not exactly.” 

“Fine. I’ll let you-” She began before Sirius interrupted her. There was nothing Andromeda was letting him or not letting him do. This was a man who did what he wanted when he wanted to. When he wanted something, there were probably very few lines he wouldn’t cross to get it. He seemed like an excellent manipulator. The man had the same energy as Voldemort himself, just directed in different ways. Sirius was sure if you took away the line this man “wouldn’t let himself cross,” he would forget all about it and go as far as Voldemort for what he wanted.

He was positive that given the choice for something labeled as “the greater good” he would do _anything_. Those eyes would forever be one of the things burned into his mind.

“Andie?” She whirled around, shocked. “Who’s this? Are you okay?”

“I thought you were asleep.” She said, glancing up the stairs. “How long have you been standing there?”

“I just came down, why? Who’s this?” He asked once more. 

“Remember that man I told you about? Albus Dumbledore? This is him. He created the D.A..” Sirius nodded slowly, everything after that seemed to go in slow motion. The long explanation of why he was there. The long explanation of how she met up with him every once in a while and made reports. She told Sirius of how every time The Death Eaters are away, she meets up with him to give him updates. “I may not be able to go, but I am helping as best I can.” She finished. Dumbledore, through the whole thing, never once took his eyes off Sirius.

When Sirius thought about it, it all made sense. Andromeda could never hide and protect two people from The Death Eaters on her own. Of course, she had someone on her side. And of course, it was the legendary D.A., Sirius had realized in his dream.

The D.A.. Dumbledore's Army. It sounded stupid, but when you realized just why he was an "army" it made sense. He had people all across the world, especially and mainly in Europe, and a headquarters that no one knew the location of. The only person that everyone knew of was Dumbledore himself, but he was always traveling and always laying low, so the chance of you getting him was just as rare as finding a D.A. member. He had generals in the military on his side and several politicians. If he chose, he could very well start a war with something as simple as a whisper in someone's ear.

"May I please speak to him for a moment?"

"I don-"

"That's not your choice, Andromeda," Sirius said, almost coldly. "But thank you. For trying to protect me. I know you're looking out for my best interests but I would like to hear what he has to say." He added quickly.

"Alright. I can't stop you." She said, sitting down on the couch. 

"May I speak to him… alone, please?"

Andromeda glared at the air between Dumbledore and Sirius, if it was anyone else she would have directly glared at them. But it was clear Dumbeldore was to be respected as much as possible, even if you were seething mad at him. 

"Yes, _sir_." She said in an over-polite tone.

"There is no need to call me 'sir,' but I thank you." She stood up and left the room, going into the kitchen. 

"I'm making tea." She declared right before metal clanked and the sound of the gas-stove came on.

"So, Mr. Black-" He started, but Sirius winced and quickly cut him off.

"Sirius. Please, just Sirius." A flash of sadness and sympathy ran through his eyes. 

"Sirius." Sirius nodded a little, he _despised_ being called "Mr. Black", "Son of Orion", or "Son of Walburga". "Do you know why I am here?"

"No," Sirius said, looking the man over.

"Are you aware of any other existing member in the D.A.?" 

"No, I do not." 

"Have you ever met another person in the D.A.?" Sirius thought for a moment of all the times when Walburga came home angry, claiming that she had been so close to finding a D.A. member. He remembered the countless nights when she would take her anger out on Sirius because she couldn't get a single one. When he was young, he used to think that if someone was ever caught, maybe she would stop hurting him. But now that he was older, he knew she created any excuse to hurt Sirius. 

"No, I haven't." Dumbledore smiled widely. "Why do you ask?"

“May I say, dear boy, your English is amazing. You don’t even have an accent!” Sirius stared at him blankly. It was a weird comment. He supposed it was intended to be a compliment, but it was so odd he didn’t know how to take it. Then again, he was dealing with an odd man. 

“Oh.. er.. thank you…. I guess…” 

“Tell me, Sirius, how many languages do you speak?”

“A fair few….” _Shouldn’t you know this? I’m the heir of the fucking the Black fortune._ Sirius didn’t have a first language. Growing up in the home he did meant he had been speaking multiple languages since he had been able to talk. He didn’t even know what language his first word was in, but then again his parents didn’t even know his first words, or his first steps, or his first time sitting up. Sirius started to float out of the dream and into his thoughts, a hazy image of Dumbledore remaining. He spoke French, English, Spanish, German, and a tiny bit of Italian for small, polite conversation. 

Of course, most everyone spoke at least a little English. How can you not when it's practically mandatory for most everyone to learn? It was common for most countries in the world to speak a minimum of two languages. Except the United States, they were applauded for just knowing how to say “hello” in a different language.

That’s the price of English Language Imperialism. 

The image of Dumbledore solidified as he let himself be pulled back into the dream. “Perfect.” He said, a glint of something selfish clear in his eyes. He wanted to say it resembled the look Voldemort had when someone came to him and begged to join his cause, but Sirius was too young, naïve, and too desperate for hope to see it. “How much like Andromeda are you?"

“What do you mean.”

“Your viewpoints. How similar are they.” What was with the weird questions? Why couldn’t he just get straight to the point? Stop dancing around what he really wanted.

“Very.” The only difference was Sirius was willing to do almost anything to escape The Death Eaters clutches. He wasn’t sure how many more months he could take of the screaming, someone else’s or his own, as they bounced off the walls of the basement. He couldn’t stand his family. He couldn’t stand what they were doing to other people. What they were willing to do to get their hands on a D.A. member.

"I can give you a home. I can protect you. You won't have to go through this anymore if you come with me." Dumbledore said sadly. He followed Dumbledore's eyes to see the man was staring at his arms. There was a tattoo of a skull and a snake wound together. It was the only part of his skin that was free of a scar. On his wrists, there were horizontal stripes that were pale and shiny. Some slim and some at least a centimeter in width. There was also one that started at his wrist and ran down to his elbow. He was eleven when he made that mark.

It was the day Sirius killed someone.

He seriously wished he had put on a long sleeve shirt before he came down, but he didn't even think about it since he thought Andromeda was in danger. He crossed his arms and shoved them into his stomach. Dumbledore's eyes shined with pity and sadness. 

"How can you protect me? I'm fifteen and the heir to the Black throne." 

"I have my ways." Now he understood why Andromeda didn't want him to talk to Dumbledore. He was giving him hope of a future. A future where he didn't have to drink himself to sleep every night. A future where he didn't have to force his body to release endorphins and dopamine. One where he could live without the constant panic that in the blink of an eye he'd end up almost unconscious on the floor. He thought for what felt like a long time.

"I need time to think it through, fully."

"Of course," Dumbledore said quietly. "If you ever need to contact me, Andromeda knows how." 

"Okay." 

Suddenly, Sirius was back up in his room, a one-year-old curled up asleep on his bed. Tonks was downstairs, his dad’s brother’s child. They were the only ones besides Sirius to publically go against everything the Blacks stood for. They took it one step further with The Death Eaters, though. They told them about their kid. They told them about how they were dating someone. 

And they told them they were non-binary.

That was a bad day that Sirius wouldn’t _ever_ forget.

Sirius couldn’t help but feel angry that Tonks was here, especially with Teddy. They were nineteen. What can a nineteen-year-old do against _all_ of the others? All he had to go off of for their presence was the fact that they were down there eating dinner with the Malfoys, Blacks, Carrows, and Lestrange’s. Maybe they forced Tonks to come. Threatened them in some way. 

But they were with the D.A. so wouldn’t they be protected? Sirius had no idea. 

It had been two hours since he had been downstairs. He was starting to grow nervous and Teddy was beginning to wake up and get fussy. There were footsteps outside his door before it was swung open, Tonks standing in the doorway. “I’m leaving. And I am never coming back.” 

“Why did you come here in the first place?!” 

“It doesn’t matter.” They walked over to the bed and picked up Teddy. 

“And you brought Teddy! What if they-”

“Why do you think I’m leaving right now?! Fuck off, Sirius.” Their eyes softened. “Come with me. Please. You’ll be safe. You’ll be protected.”

“I can’t. I won’t be. Not while I’m their heir.”

“Then get un-heir-ed.”

“Tonks, it doesn't work like that.”

“Whatever. I have to go.” They got to his door before they turned back. “If… if something happens…. To me, I mean. Find Remus Lupin. He’s gonna be the head of the D.A. pretty soon, I’m certain. Find him and take care of him and Teddy for me. Will you?” Sirius was slowly pulled into his thoughts, away from his dream. The image of Tonks was frozen in his mind. That was the last time he would ever see them. They died of a car crash two days later. He studied their face, studied the way they held Teddy, the way they looked at Sirius with such sadness. “Just… dont die. Okay?”

“You too.”

“I’m not the one who lives with The Death Eaters.” They smirked

“I’m not the one who rebelled against them.” He rebutted. A small smile formed on their face, fear clear in their eyes.

“Bye, Sirius.” The image of their froze in his mind. 

Then he stiffened. His conscious mind knew what was about to happen, but his subconscious had no idea what was to come next. He watched as Tonks left and the scene morphed into him sitting on the basement floor, chained to the floor. He was forced to watch as Andromeda was beaten senseless. As she was thrown against the wall and cut, as Orion yelled “ _traitor_!” over and over. They had found out she was with the D.A. and was married, as well as have a child. “You spoke millions of fallacies and you have the audacity to ask for forgiveness? For _mercy_?!” He roared. “I ought to kill you! But it is not my place, when Voldemort gets here, he will decide your fate.” Orion whirled around to Sirius. “And YOU! DID YOU KNOW?!” Andromeda shook her head. 

“No. No I never told him. He didn’t know anything.” 

Time seemed to skip around. Andromeda was sobbing against the wall. Orion had just come in to show her pictures of her dead child and husband. 

“Why don’t you tell them I knew? Maybe that would give you less of the abuse.”

“Or more. And I can’t have another death on my hands.” Sirius couldn’t tell where one injury on her ended and another began. As for Sirius, he only had a bruise here and there and bloody wrists from the chains. But Andie.... he could almost not even tell what colour her skin was. 

“Look, I just can’t sit here and watch you continue to go through this, especially not alone. I cant take it anymore. I’d rather be brought close to death hundreds of times an hour than watch you get hurt one more time.” His voice broke and a tear fell down his cheek. "Please,"

“If you say anything, I swear I will-”

“What? What could you possibly do?” Sirius snapped, despite his voice wavering. She didn’t respond, only close her eyes and tilt her head against the wall. 

"I can't take it anymore, I just want them to kill me," she sobbed. Sirius was being driven to insanity watching this. It had been days, if not weeks, since they were brought down here. Time seemed to be infinite when he was in the basement. 

He didn’t know if it was better being physically tortured for days or if it was better to be psychologically maddened. Either way, he just wanted her to stop hurting. Where was the D.A. when you needed them? Did they know this was happening? Surely it had been long enough for someone to come and check out if they were okay, right? Surely he cared at least that much.

The door opened and in walked in Voldemort. He walked slowly, analyzing Sirius’s face, then moved to look at Andromeda. “I’ve been a fool. To think that there could be someone so sane, and so perfect, who would willingly be part of my cause. You played your part well, but now, its time for your death in return for all the betrayals you’ve committed.” He spoke soft, but his voice was strong. Certain. “Luckily for you, it will be a quick death. I will grant you mercy.”

This was not mercy. Mercy would be killing them instantly. Locking them in a basement and torturing someone half to death is not a quick death. Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Andromeda gave him and angry yet broken glare, and he shut his mouth. “Carrow,” Voldemort called, not moving his eyes from Andromeda. “Come.” Carrow walked into the room, giving Sirius a smile full of malice. 

“Yes, my Lord?”

“Take Sirius out of here,” Voldemort commanded. Carrow seemed surprised. 

“My Lord?”

“You heard me. Sirius will have other opportunities to kill those who betray us, but now, I want to be the one who kills Andromeda Black. Take him.” He said coldly, sparing a look that challenged him to ask again. 

“Yes, my Lord, right away, my Lord.” He walked over to Sirius and grabbed a fist-full of hair, twisting it and pulling back, but using the palm of his hand to drive Sirius’s head forward. Carrow undid the chains around Sirius’s wrists and took a tigher hold on his hair, spinning him around so Carrow was able to drag Sirius out of the room. Sirius's face contorted in pain and his hands flew to the top of his head, grabbing Carrow's wrist and clawing at it. Sadly, he had hardly any nails to use. “You know, it’s been a while since you’ve gotten a haircut. Why don’t we try one out?” Carrow sneered. Right before Sirius was dragged through the door, he saw the approving look Voldemort gave Carrow. “I bet your mother and father would love you to have one as well.” 

There was a glint of metal that came from Voldemort's hand before he was completely out of the room. 

Three gunshots rang out, and Sirius went limp, giving into the numbness he felt.  Tears began to stream down his face. He knew it was for the best, and that she wanted to finally die, but she was his one chance at being free. The one person who understood him. Who genuinely loved him. 

_Let them do what they want to now, it’ll be over soon and things wont go back to being as bad,_ he told himself.

But he knew that was a lie.


	4. Out-Numbered Two to One

Sirius stirred on the couch, still asleep but close to waking up. 

Regulus was being held against the wall, a knife firmly pressed to his neck. There was a small trickle of blood coming from where the blade met his skin. 

His nose was bleeding profusely.

“You helped this little fucker escape,” the man said, pointing at Sirius.

“No! You don’t understand!”

“I think I can understand _,_ all right. You are his brother. _Trust me_ , I _understand_ . And you _deserve_ what was coming to you.”

“Va te faire foutre.” Regulus spat. The man’s smile was full of malice, an evil glint came to his eyes.

“No!” Sirius yelled jumping forward, trying to grab the man and shove him away. But it was too late. The man drug the knife slowly against Regulus’s skin. 

Just as he fell to the floor, Sirius jerked awake. He was breathing heavily and in a cold sweat. He stood up, dazed and unsure of where he was again. “Regulus...” His vision faded and stars danced in his peripheral, his mind was still half-asleep. “Où es-tu?” He began to sway and stumbled, sitting back on the couch. “Regulus…”

“Sirius, Sirius c'est d'accord. Réveillez-vous, c'était juste un mauvais rêve. Réveillez-vous, c’est d’accord.” Someone, who had a very soothing voice, said by his side. Suddenly a gentle hand was on his shoulder. Sirius brought a hand up to his face, gently pushing his thumb and fingers into his eyes, then wiped his face, trying to wake himself up more. 

It was the redhead, Lily. 

“I’m sorry.” Sirius really hated that he couldn’t have just kept quiet. He was usually good at keeping them away if he was near people. At least, he learned to. 

But then again, he was unconscious for a while and was very stressed, so it was probably useless.

“It’s alright.” From the fact that he didn’t wake up yelling, his throat wasn’t sore, nor was there anyone else in the room, he felt pretty confident it was a silent nightmare. She dropped her voice to a whisper. “Who...who’s Andie…? And Regulus?” Sirius felt a lump form in his throat. 

“Er,” He stared down at his hands. He might not have been screaming, but he talked at least, which was just fan-fucking-tastic. “How much did I say…?”

“You just said Andie’s name, and Regulus’s just now when you woke up.” 

“She… she was my cousin. And Regulus… he’s… he doesn’t matter anymore.” He ended spitefully. 

Sirius shook his head gently and raised himself off the couch slowly. Maybe now he would finally be able to stand, though his torso movement was limited thanks to it being wrapped. 

More like thanks to Carrow for slashing his back. 

She seemed to see what he was trying to do and stood up, obviously ready to catch him if he fell. 

“Well, that’s just brilliant.”

“What?”

“My tibia’s fractured...nondisplaced.” He stated once he was standing fully. This time, with no stars or dizzy spells. “Probably linear or transverse…” He added to himself as an afterthought.

“How do you know? I mean, we knew something was wrong, but how do you know _that_.”

“It’s not bent, I don’t feel as if I were to take a step two sides of the bone would snap down past each other, and there’s little swelling. Just bruising, and I know a broken bone when I have one.” He grimaced. Sirius glanced to his left and saw all the suitcases by the door, then lowered his voice. “Please tell me you won’t ditch me at a hospital. If you _do_ ditch me, do it at a motel or something. Just… please not somewhere I would be brought in.”

“We won’t ditch you. Remus considered it. So did James. Hell, I considered it. But he phoned someone and so we’ll be bringing you with us. Even though he almost disregarded it.” Sirius nodded. 

That was the _least_ amount of work he’s ever done to get inside somewhere. 

Which meant Remus probably phoned Dumbledore. 

Which meant he knew he was coming. 

Then he could talk to him….. And yell at him. He hadn’t really worked out how he felt about him yet. 

James and Remus, who was holding a little boy, came down the stairs with two more suitcases. 

“Ah, you’re awake,” Remus stated, putting the boy down by the door, where Sirius got a better look at him. 

Teddy.

Teddy!! This was Tonks’s child! And Remus Lupin! Why did he forget? 

He even knew this was where Remus Lupin was, but _why_ did he forget that this was the Remus Lupin who was married to Tonks! He was an absolute _buffoon_.

Then again, she told him the names four years ago. 

Teddy didn’t recognize him, did he? Surely he couldn’t. 

“We’ll be leaving for Britain as soon as we put everything in the car,” Remus stared, looking around the room, his eyes landing on Sirius. He glanced down at his leg. “Brilliant.” He said under his breath. “Lils can you…” Remus gestured to his leg. “I’m sure there’s some sort of wrap in…” He dug around in a few bags, unzipped one of them, and pulled out a small pouch, then tossed it to Lily. “That.” 

“Thanks.” Sirius rolled up one of the sleeves of his trousers to his knee, then folded it back. He took the roll from Lily and began to wrap his leg up. 

“Hey, James!” Remus called up the stairs. “There anymore?” No one responded. Lily looked at him, then Teddy, and back again. Remus looked a little confused. “James?” He called up, a little louder. 

“Yeah R.J.,” Remus and Lily instantly stood up. Lily grabbed a gun from a bag sitting on top of the stack by the door, Remus took one out from behind his trousers, under his jumper. 

“Teddy, go hide in that closet.” He whispered. 

“Alright. Have you got them? How many bags?”

“Two or three. But I have it.” James called back down. Remus looked at Lily and nodded, he went up silently, two steps at a time. Sirius sped-wrapped his leg and stood up, wincing at the pain. Who cared about broken bones, he’s had to walk on them too many times to let that slow him down. 

He stood next to Lily. “Let me go up.” He asked in a low voice. 

“No. Remus would _not_ like that.” 

“What are you going to do? Shoot me?”

“Your leg’s broken.” They both looked up, Remus was at the top step. Somehow silently communicating with Lily through their eyes. She gave Sirius a nod and he froze, seeming to be thinking. Even from the top of the stairs, he saw Remus glance at his leg. Lily shrugged, and so did Remus. 

“I’ve dealt with worse. Walked on worse.” Lily gave one last quizzical glance at Remus. He shook his head and looked at the wall, then nodded, just slightly. 

“Fine. You’ll be unarmed.” 

“Reasonable.” Sirius slowly took his first step up the stairs. Why the hell did he even ask, he was already regretting it. He used the rail to support most his weight when it was his broken leg’s turn. It took him only a few seconds to reach the top. 

“You may come, but you are to not intervein, and you _won’t_ get in my way. Got it?” He said under his breath. Sirius nodded and followed behind Remus clung to the wall and walked to the first room, not peaking his head around the door frame. After a moment he moved to the next one. 

This time he froze, giving Sirius a nod.

“Look. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Me and my wife and our friend, we’re just here on vacation. We didn’t let a french bloke come and burst in here, I don’t even know French!” Remus smirked a little, earning an odd look from Sirius. “Look, let me go, and I won’t ID you or press charges or whatever. Just. Please, my wife’s pregnant.” Sirius looked alarmed. Was Lily pregnant? Did he endanger someone who was going to be a mother? A father? But wasn’t that what he was doing with Remus? Who, by the way, was staring at him. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. 

James was lying. 

James was lying, which was obvious, but there was a little truth to everything he had said. 

Which was why Remus smirked. “We haven’t had a french bloke come and burst in here.” Technically…. Not a lie…. 

Now he understood. 

He and James were really going to have to be good friends. 

“Are you sure there’s not anything your missing to tell me?” Sirius stiffened. He knew that voice. Remus gave him a suspicious look. 

“I-I-I-I No! Th-There’s I mea- I mean. Erm. Oh! There was a guy, long hair, banged up. He looked sketchy so we called the police. They came and took him away. I for-forgot!” 

“How did you fail to remember that?”

“It-it was late, I ha-had a few. Why are y-you looking for hi-him?” Remus went to the edge of the staircase and gave her a thumbs-up before moving to the closest room that had the door open. Sirius followed. “What’s the plan?” He whispered. 

“I have absolutely no choice but to trust you and hope that Dumbledore’s word is enough. You’re one lucky bastard that I trust him. You’re story better check out when all this is done or so help me, Mary, I’ll cut you.” He threatened as he rummaged through the drawers. He pulled out a second gun and began to load it, turning the safety off as he talked quickly. “I can’t tell you how much I _despise_ this and distrust you right now, so if you make one wrong move, I have no problem putting a bullet in your head. I have my son down there after all.” Sirius nodded. “No more playing coy either. I’ll find out where your story sooner or later, but stop pretending like you don’t know who we are. Here’s the plan. I tip that over,” he pointed to the big dresser “And they are going to send two guys in here. My guess is you know one of them that’s going to come in here. You recognized his voice. He steps forward, I shoot them both after they step forward.”

“What about James? If he has a gun on him and sees me, he’ll shoot him on sight for lying.”

“Then I go in. I deal with it. How many do they send in?” Sirius thought for a minute, back to when they were trying to find Andromeda. They don’t know who _these_ people are, and they send in a one to one ratio, excluding kids. 

Not that they don’t shoot kids. 

But they would include Sirius. “Four. There’s probably four.”

Remus looked at him hard. “Are you sure.”

“Yes.” 

“Damn it.” Remus sighed. “Stay here.” He stalked out of the room and came back in after a few seconds. “We improvise.” 

As he said that, three shots rang out downstairs. “Go check it out.” He heard someone in the room next to him say. Two men held their guns out and went straight to the stairs. Remus followed. Sirius peaked his head out the door to see Remus shoot the two men in the back, then they tumbled down the steps. Sirius stepped out into the hallway, and Remus spun around, heading directly to the room James was in. Lily was behind him not long after. 

Sirius watched as Remus pushed the door open farther with the back of his hand, pointing his gun forward. Lily right next to him, but not letting herself be seen by not stepping into the room, using the wall and still partially closed door as a hiding spot. Sirius inched closer and stood on the other side. 

“Drop. Your. Weapon.” Remus threatened. 

“How is it you got past my three men?”

“Self defense.”

“You seem awfully well-trained for some self-defense classes.”

“Father was a cop. James, alright?” He asked, worried

“Yeah, I’m good.” 

“Where’s the other one? There’s a redhead.” The voice asked.

“She went into labor. She’s at the hospital.” 

“So it’s just you here this morning?”

“Yes, now lower. Your. Weapon.”

“See. That’s where I think you might be _lying_.” There was a click behind Sirius, and before he knew it, there was a hand in his hair and a gun being pressed to his back as he was walked into the room. He glanced back to see two men behind him, and two men behind Lily. 

The good thing was, these guys were in all black and in _long_ sleeves. 

He was shoved into the room, where he could see a man pointing a gun at James. Remus lowered his when Sirius and Lily entered. Now it was five against three. Suddenly, he was kicked behind the leg and he slunk to his knees. 

The same happened to Lily. 

Remus put his gun down on the floor slowly and raised his hands to the back of his head, one of the blokes behind Sirius must have had a gun to his head. “Carrow, here.” The man gestured. Carrow walked over and took the man’s place, so he was able to walk around. “See… There’s no point in lying and hiding when you have people watching you. Sirius here,” He took out a knife from his pocket and pointed it in his direction. “Can vouch to that. Being responsible for many deaths himself.”

“I’m _not_ responsible.”

“You can say that all you wish. But you know that’s not true.” He said, walking closer and getting right in his face. Sirius held his breath. The man ran the tip of his blade along Sirius’s jawline. “Such a beautiful, broken piece. Only quite literally at the moment.” He stood up. “If it were up to me, I would have dressed you up like Andromeda and finished the job already.” He walked a few paces away. “You know. Your mother wanted you alive. She wanted me to drag it out. Even longer than I did with Andromeda before _he_ killed her.” He turned his head and smirked at the way Sirius was frozen. “At least she was a _woman_ laying with a man… no matter how despicable a woman.” Sirius started to breath heavier. “I was going to kill you… last night as a matter of fact. But _Regulus_ helped you escape.” 

“Don’t you fucking _da-_ ” Sirius snarled as he tried to stand up, but he was roughly shoved down as a shoe pushed into his broken leg, and he was cut off by the man. 

“Oh, I _do_ . And the best part? I was the only one that knew. But know you have all of _them_ to worry about telling your mother.”

“Don’t _touch_ him I _swear_ to God.”

“Oh, I won’t. I reserve myself for the traitors _He_ hates. But imagine what I could do to Regulus…” he stood there and crossed his arms, loving the way everyone’s eyes were on him. “All you have to do is come back willingly.” Sirius stayed silent. 

“Or. I can kill everyone here, then make you watch Regulus slowly die as you did with Andromeda, and I can kill you last. All while never knowing my name.” 

“Who are you people?” Remus asked through gritted teeth, clearly angry. 

“You didn’t tell them, did you?” He walked a few steps forward and stepped behind Sirius, then began to laugh. “You… _carved_ it out? They don’t know anything! They don’t know _anything_. Well, Sirius. I’ll leave it to their imagination.” Sirius glanced at Remus, who was staring at the time. 

“If I go with you…”

“No!” Lily objected. The man behind her grabbed her mouth.

“You leave them alone, unhurt, and alive, never to be bothered again. You, or anyone in this room is not to allow the information of my escape to reach the acknowledgment of another breathing, living, thinking being, and… I want to know your name.” 

“All if you come with me willingly.”

“And you have to stop fucking monologuing. You do it and its annoying as shit.”

“When have I ever monologued?” He asked, confused. 

“Moments ago.”

“Yeah, you kind of did, mate.” James agreed. Remus nodded along with Lily. 

“One,” Remus stated before ducking. Sirius saw James and Lily start ducking together at the same time and decided to follow their lead. The glass shattered, and within seconds, there were five dead bodies on the ground. Lily and Sirius stood up.

Well, any chance Sirius might have had before, it was gone now. 

Remus picked up his phone and put it to his ear. “Remus speaking.” He sounded tired. Lily left the room, probably to go and check on Teddy. “What? No! I-. Yes. Yes. Fine. Sir-. Yes, sir.” He lowered the phone and hit a button before angrily shoving it back into his pocket. “Well, Sirius. Looks like you’re still coming with us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that took so long I- look at that! *runs away, has no excuse*


	5. To The Airport

“Was that him?” James asked.

“Yeah.” Remus sighed, turning his attention towards Sirius, who was staring at the man laying on the floor, the one who paced around and taunted him. His chest rose and fell, but just barely. 

Sirius stepped forward and kneeled. “What’s your name?” He growled lowly. The man, whose eyes were half-closed, chuckled, then coughed slightly. 

“D-don’t you wanna kn-know…..” He wheezed, breaking to cough up blood. “If R-r-re-regul-gulus is-s sa-saf-fe?”

“You would have led with that, used that leverage to take me back if he wasn’t. Now.  _ Your Name.” _

“L-le-letter. In-nsi-side po-pocke-et.” Remus watched as Sirius opened the man’s jacket and found a letter sitting in a pouch on the inside. Gently, he took it and stood up, facing the others so they couldn’t see the letter. Sirius kept his facial expression unbelievably blank. 

He stiffened just slightly and slowly ripped up the paper, tossing the tiny shreds onto the floor. 

“Don’t,” Sirius whispered threateningly to the man. 

“T-to late…” The smirk on his face slowly faded, and his head rolled gently to the side as he let out a final breath. Sirius turned around and looked at the window that had seven bullet holes in it. Remus didn’t have to be an expert to see what he was about to do. He saw him go rigid, his breathing deepening and quickening. Before Remus had the chance to restrain him, Sirius ran his fist through the window. “ _ MERDE _ ! FILS DE  _ PUTE _ ! IL NE T’A RIEN FAIT!” He yelled. He pulled his fist back and shook it. “ _ Connasse _ .” Taking out a glass shard. “Desorr é .” He said, in a clear mix stuck between french and english. “D- Sorry. I’m sorry. I-.” Sirius sighed, running his non-bleeding hand over his face, leaning against the wall and using his free hand to shield his face. 

“Who’s Regulus? Who’s Andromeda?” Remus pressed, studying Sirius’s reaction. Which was the same as before. He tensed slightly before relaxing and pulling an impassive face. 

“I’ll tell you later. Can we go? Not sure how much longer I can stand.”

“Yeah.”

“How have you been able to function this long?” James asked quizzically.

“I’ve had worse.” 

“Worse than a gash down your back, a broken leg, bleeding fist, bru-” James counted off on his fingers, before Sirius cut him off. 

“Yes.” There was an awkward silence. 

“Alright, then…”

Remus scanned the floor, then turned around and left the room, James following closely. Then Lily. 

Remus took the steps two at a time, going straight to the closet around the corner and opening it to find two little legs peaking out from a bundle of coats. He chuckled softly before calling out “Teddy?”

“Dad!” Teddy said, bursting out from the bundle and leaping into his arms. “Can we go home? I wanna see Dee.”

“Of course.” 

“Who is that man?” He asked, pointing to Sirius, who was limping down the stairs and went straight outside.

“His name's Sirius. He’s coming with us to see Dumbles.”

“Did he know T.T.?”

“I don’t think so.” 

“I think I’ve seen him before.”

“Yeah?” Remus asked, moving him to his other hip to look him in the eyes.

“His hair is cool. Can I have hair like that!?” He asked, excitedly, squirming to get down.

“Maybe one day.” Remus let him down on the ground, and Teddy ran outside, dragging James by the hand with him. 

Lily was leaning against the railing, before pushing herself off and taking a stand next to Remus. “What do you think that was about?”

“Is it not obvious?”

“Well, yes, but who do you think Regulus and Andromeda are?”

“Not sure. What we do know is that man tortured Andromeda. And Regulus is close to him. The bloke tried to use him as leverage.”

“Yeah. And we know he’s gay.”

“Pardon?”

“‘At least she was a  _ woman _ laying with a man,’” Lily repeated. “C’mon, mate it’s obvious.” 

“Whatever. Let’s load up and go, the cleaning crew will clear this place.” Remus and Lily grabbed as many bags as they could hold and carried them out to the car. James was buckling Teddy in. Sirius was off to the side, staring off into the trees, facing away from everyone. Once James had finished, he went back inside and came out with the rest of the bags. Remus had set the ones he was carrying down next to the car and unlatched the hood. He and Lily started to load up, and James helped as well once he returned. 

“That’s the last of it,” James claimed, stuffing the last bag in before quickly slamming the door shut. 

“Alright. Let’s go.” Remus said, taking one last glance across the property. James sighed and jumped into the back seat next to Teddy. Lily went around front and took a seat in the passenger side. 

Sirius was still staring off into the distance. Remus knew he was not going to get an answer out of him, he wondered if anyone ever would be able to. Sparing a glance at the car, he went across the driveway and stood next to Sirius. 

“What did the letter say?”

“Doesn’t matter. Not anymore. Just… I need to speak to Dumbledore.” Remus went rigid, in a way Sirius did when Andromeda’s name was mentioned. But Remus had a sneaking suspicion, it was nowhere close to the same emotion. “You will when we-”

“No. Now. Please.” Remus looked at him. There was a desperate plea in his eyes, hidden behind the facade of stress and tiredness. “I don’t even care, you can tell the message to him. I just… it needs to be now.”

“Why?” 

“I cant-”

“You know it's hard to trust someone who isn’t telling you anything. Someone who knows seemingly everything that should be impossible for an outsider to know. So  _ I’d _ say you don’t have a lot of weight behind  _ any _ words.”

“Fine. You want to know? She’s going to kill someone. That’s what the letter said, amongst other repetitive things.” Sirius gritted his teeth.

“Who?”

“My mother.” 

“Why?”

“Because she’s a… not sure there is a good English translation for the phrase.” 

“Well say something else then.” 

“She’s a psychotic, homophobic and intolerant bastard who just happens to be a masochist.” 

“What does that have to do with-” Remus pressed, even though he knew all the answers. Maybe it was evil, but he wanted it to come from him.

“Because she’s going to kill the guy I slept with! And it won’t be quick! I’ve told you what you want to know. Now let me speak to Dumbledore. Please.” Remus sighed and pulled out his mobile, dialing the number and putting it to his ear.”

“Hey. There’s someone who wants to speak with you.” 

“Tell Sirius we can talk when he arrives.” Dumbledore sounded pensive.

“He says it’s urgent.”

“Fine.” 

Remus handed the phone over and watched as Sirius snatched it and turned away. 

“You have to save him. She is going to….. No that’s not-....... Yes, him….. What do you mean…? No that’s.... She said.” Sirius’s voice shook. Sirius took it away and hung up angrily. 

“Here you go. It was too late anyway.” He shoved the phone into Remus’s chest and, as angrily as you can walk with a limp, stormed off to the car, sliding himself into a seat in the middle section, between the back and front. 

_ So, the person his mother was going to kill is dead. And that person happened to be his ex of some sort, possibly Regulus. Andromeda is a girl the dead man upstairs tortured to death, supposedly, whoever she was to him. That still leaves everything else.  _

He walked a few paces behind Sirius and situated himself into the driver's seat. 

“How far away is the airport?”

“About an hour and a half.” James yawned and turned so his back was against Teddy’s car seat. 

“Well then I’m going to take a nap.” 

“Can I have your phone Daddy?” Teddy asked, a little whiny.

“Don’t whine. But no, I have to use it for directions. Ask James, yeah?”

“P’ongs? Can I have your phone?”

“Yeah sure.” James shuffled around in his jacket before pulling it out, unlocking it, and handing it over to Teddy. “Just don’t turn the volume up too loud.”

“Yes’ir.” 

Within thirty minutes, Teddy was asleep along with James. Lily had her eyes closed with headphones in, probably listening to an audiobook. Sirius hadn’t said anything since he had spoken to Dumbledore. He was staring out the window. Hands gently folded in his lap, sight steadily trained on the window, unmoving. He hadn’t moved a muscle since he sat down.

“Need to talk?” Remus offered, keeping his eyes straight on the road. 

“No.”

“You’re very trained at that.”

“At what?”

“Being completely still.”

“The less sound you make and the less you move, the less attention you draw.” Remus had to agree to that. There were days he wouldn’t even dare come out of his room. He’d rather be forgotten than remembered, especially when his dad was drunk. The less attention you can draw to yourself the better. “Not to mention any movement feels like absolute hell at the moment. I’m still all banged up.”

“You seemed just fine back at the house.”

“Well, you can ignore pain for short periods of time. You can’t ignore it forever.” Remus looked up in the mirror that showed the back seats and met Sirius’s eyes. He, once again, had the look only people like Remus and Sirius would see and understand, but Sirius looked away. 

“Who’s Regulus?” Remus pried, staring at the mirror again, watching Sirius. He was trying too hard to not flinch. To not let anything readable show in his body language, on his face. 

“Well, if you’re so smart. Who do you think he is?”

“Someone who saved you, but someone you don’t like or trust. At least not anymore.”

“You’re not _wrong_.”

“So, who is he?”

“My brother.” Remus nodded. 

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“Between me and him?”

“No. Why you came to us.”

“They were going to kill me, if you couldn’t tell.”

“Yes, I could. But why?”

“Because I slept with a guy and betrayed them by working with Dumbledore.” 

“You’re working with Dumbledore?”

“Yes. Has that not been made apparent?" 

“Is anyone else who’s working with Dumbledore back wherever you came from?”

“No.”

“How can you be sure?” Remus questioned.

“Because I watched them kill the only person who was.” Sirius’s voice was void of any emotion. 

“Who are you?” Sirius didn’t respond. "I was ready to leave you there. I knew it would be dangerous, I didn't know it would be dangerous that soon. Whoever you're running from, they're obviously powerful. I mean I have a kid." Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're lucky you're so close to Dumbledore, and that you can somehow summon an audience with him."

The rest of the car ride they rode in silence. 

~

“So how is this going to work?” Sirius asked, looking up at the plane taking off, then the multiple huge buildings strung together to form an airport. “I mean, you have guns with you. How is  _ that _ going to work?”

“You really think we’re flying with everyone else? You’re mental. We have a private jet.” Remus put the car in park and turned off the engine.

“Well how was I supposed to know that.” Sirius sighed exasperatedly, opening the door and stepping out of the car. 

“How likely is it that whoever is hunting you has people who work here?” Remus asked.

Sirius looked around at the parking lot, studying everyone around. “Very. Got a knit hat?”

“What?” 

“And glasses.” 

“Oh!” Lily exclaimed, taking the hair tie off her wrist and passing it over to Sirius. Then she searched through her bag and pulled out a deep green knit cap, passing it over. He did his hair up into a bun, letting a few strands fall near his face, then he pulled the cap over his head. James passed over a pair of sunglasses, which SIrius also put on. “Have any concealer?” 

“A little, maybe not your skin tone, though.” 

“That's okay, as long as you have that red stuff.”

“Blush?”

“Yeah, sure.” Lily dug around in her bag for a minute before setting it down and unlocking the back door, pulling out - seemingly a random - bag and shuffling through that one before pulling out a small tube of liquid paint stuff and a disk of red powder. 

“What do you need that for?” Remus asked. 

“I have a scar on the back of my neck. I’ve had it since I was three. Its very recognizable, so anyone would notice it, even with my hair put up they would know it was me.” 

“Is that why you grew your hair out so long?”

“No, that was just to piss my dear mum off.” He turned to Lily. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.” She reassured him as he turned around, beginning to cover up his alleged scar. 

Remus glanced inside at the still sleeping toddler and sleeping grown man. 

He smiled softly at Teddy, leaning his head a little of the way in and rubbing Teddy's shin. "Past. Hey. Bear." He whispered. He stirred awake, wiping his eyes and yawning. "'R we there?" 

"Shhh. Yes we are." 

"Why are we whisp'ing?" 

"You'll wake up Prongs. Wanna play a prank?" Teddy nodded enthusiastically, a toothy grin forming on his face. "Put your finger in your mouth, then stick it in James ear." 

"Okay." Teddy said, his voice still low. He stuck his pointer finger in his mouth before taking it out and shoving it into James's ear. 

James burst up into his seat and agressively started rubbing his eat against his shoulder. "HEY YOU LITTLE SH-" He started to yell, but Lily cut him off. 

"LANGUAGE!" Remus and Teddy both were laughing, very hard. Sirius had a small smirk on the corner of his face as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so my excuse this time is I've been working a shit ton and have like, no energy ahha  
> Also you guys's comments give me life pls keep leaving them they make me smile so much


	6. Onto The Plane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, work has made it impossible to find time and energy to write. well! Here's the next one!

Sirius couldn’t help but feel panicked as he stepped up to the door. He only ever went to the airport when he had to attend family meetings. And usually, he left those half-conscious from pain and blood loss. His family made it very clear how they felt about how he acted in meetings.

To be fair, alcohol was a blood thinner, and alcohol was the only way to get through those meetings. 

And, either way, they would have found a reason to hit him anyway. So Sirius thought he might as well try to control  _ why _ he was getting hit. 

He didn’t know he had frozen until a warm and gentle, but firm, hand was on his shoulder.

His mind played through all the times his parents would press their fingers and thumbs deep into whatever bruise or gash he had as they waited, especially if he looked too tired or if he visibly looked like he wasn’t okay. Like he was hurt. It was a way to jar him back to the present, only a very painful way. 

It didn’t help that there was a deep gash down his back the unsuspecting had rested on. 

He flinched and retreated a pace or two, trying to step out of whoever’s hand it was on his back.

Sirius blinked a few times and looked around, realizing where he was and who he was with, and finding the distinct lack of one Walburga Black and one Orion Black. The hand was only Remus’s, who retreated his hand back to his side and kept them still and insight, slightly flat and pointed outward as a peaceful gesture, one that communicated a secret apology. 

_ Stupid, stupid. Get a grip on yourself.  _ He shook his head and stepped through the doors, ignoring the rush of blood roaring in his ears out of fear. 

They walked for a few minutes before stopping in front of a lady at a desk. Beside her stood a man, probably about eighteen years old, who had all their bags on a tall golden cart. The kind you would see in a hotel. She asked Remus a few questions, and then a few completely off-topic ones, which might have been a security check, he wasn’t sure. Maybe they were just old friends catching up. After a moment, she nodded and smiled at them, opening the door for them to walk through. 

They walked down a small, empty, dim hallway for several minutes before getting to the end, where a small room with a few chairs and a desk with a coffee maker sat. There was cream and sugar sitting next to it, as well as several small capsules that held coffee grinds. Remus went through the same thing he did with the lady, only with different questions. Sirius decided they were - in fact - security questions. 

The security officer, seemingly satisfied, smiled and opened the door, letting them all pass through, the boy with the cart behind them a pace or two. 

Once they walked outside, they were on a wide-open concrete space. And in front of them, maybe 50 metres away, was a beautiful jet. 

Being out in the open with so many moving objects, moving people with large heavy bags, and moving planes made him queasy. But he took a deep breath and shoved that feeling deep down. 

They were practically to the stairs when Sirius noticed a man who had looked over too many times. His gaze lingering longer with each time. He looked slightly familiar, but from this distance, he couldn’t tell. 

He wasn’t looking  _ at  _ Sirius, but he was obviously watching him. Looking over every eight seconds, his glance lasting closer to a full second with each time he dared stare. 

So badly did Sirius want to run a hand over his scar, but he knew the man would know  _ instantly _ it was him, and he was too scared about messing up the makeup that hid the scar on the back of his neck. 

When their eyes almost met, he knew he was in trouble. 

“I need someone to kiss me  _ right now. _ ” Sirius asked, using a small tone of urgency. 

“Ooh, feeling hot, are we?” James prodded. 

Remus didn’t hesitate as he wound a gentle arm around Sirius, using his free hand to gently hold his chin as he kissed him slowly. 

Of course, James whistled. 

He cracked one eye open just slightly to see the man shift uncomfortably and looked away. So, as quickly and unsuspiciously as he could, he hurried up the steps and into the jet, Remus, James, and Lily - who held Teddy - on his heels, leaving the worker-kid to load their bags onto the plane. Sirius glanced out the window to see the man on a small radio he held in his hand. He very distinctly said “No.” 

Sirius let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He was in the clear. He slid the knit hat off and took off the sunglasses, squinting at the brightness of the real world. Lily had set Teddy down and was fishing through her bag that hung lightly over her shoulder. Then she pulled out a colouring book and some crayons. 

“Anyone want to fill me in on what the hell that was?” James snapped, but it lacked bite. There was, however, a tired look in his eyes. Sirius sighed, about to explain, but Remus beat him to it. He was relieved to see Remus had known what it was for, and it wasn’t just for the fucks of it. 

“There was a man, maybe fifty metres away, who’s eyes kept lingering on Sirius for longer and longer. Like he was trying to inconspicuously see if it was in fact him. PDA makes people uncomfortable.  _ Especially _ , between two blokes, and furthermore when neither of them fit the world’s image of what someone who  _ is _ gay looks like. People don’t like that. The bloke was weirded out, so he looked away. But that ruined any chances of him getting to successfully identify Sirius here, keeping him safe. Simple.”

“Yeah...simple Moony…”

“Honestly, James. Remus wouldn’t be in the position he’s in if he couldn’t see the smaller details like that.” 

“Yeah...but can you ever turn it off?”

“It’s not a switch,” Sirius mumbled, still staring out the window at the man who failed to identify him. “It’s instinct. Not tiring because you don’t always know you’re doing it until you’ve found the threat.” He wondered what would happen to him when his mother and father learned that he had Sirius in his sights and let him go.

“That sounds so exhausting.”

“Its better than the alternative.” He remembered the metal shackles on his wrists. The knives and the glass, the kicks and hits. “Which is way more-” Sirius stopped mid-sentence.

The needles. 

He froze, forgetting about what would happen to this guy. He  _ couldn’t remember _ if they had drugged him. He was unconscious for so much time he didn’t know if they doped him up in between. “Is there a bathroom?” He said, using the same indifferent tone, but because of his pause and complete subject change, he got three very confused and concerned faces staring at him. Only he didn’t return it. 

“Yeah, second door on the left,” Lily answered.

He got up as calmly as he could, trying his best to not wince. The steep stairs up were hell, he was not about to stand up and sit down too many times. 

He locked the door behind him instantly, hearing the muffled and shushed voices through the walls. They didn’t matter. 

He, as gently as he could, peeled off his shirt, wincing and gritting his teeth to bite back a groan. This was torcher on his skinned forearm, on the gash that twisted between his shoulder blades. It hurt stretching the bruises, but he had to know if he was about to go through withdrawal. Sirius inspected all the spots they usually stick him with needles. His biceps, his deltoid, triceps, and forearm. It was also very likely he had bled the drugs out, or cut out his needle marks when he cut out the tattoo. There was no way to know. He did notice a bandaid attached to his forearm on the opposite arm. He peeled it back to see a few needle marks. They looked fresh though. Most likely it was these people. 

It was around - Before? After? - midnight when he arrived at Remus's. He woke up the next night. And he was on the plane now. It was 11 am. It had been probably close to 60 hours since he was dumped into the street by Regulus. Add another 4 tops if they decided to give him drugs. And their drugs lasted in your system for two to three days before you crashed completely. 

It wasn’t a slow, gradual thing that worked its way up to the shutdown, it was just a complete crash that lasted for a week. 

He had experienced it so many times that he wasn’t scared at the thought, just tired. 

He desperately wished he knew. 

He tried to remember where he had gotten the cuts and bruises. It was all a blur. He remembered knives cutting into his skin. He remembered being hit with the handle of a gun, more than once. Sirius set his hands on the rim of the sink and stared into the eyes of his reflection, feeling the way his back stretched out the gash with a deep ache, a painful sting. But he only gritted his teeth and kept staring. Regulus had snuck down there to help Sirius escape, and when the man guarding the door figured that out, he tried to stab Sirius in the back, but tripped and ended up dragging it downward, covering more area but making it just slightly less deep. Another inch or two and Sirius would have died. 

Not that he would have cared. 

Regulus propped him against the wall, took a gun out of the waistband of his jeans, and shot the guard. Sirius couldn’t help but flinch at the mere memory. It was the first time he had taken a life, and it was on Sirius’s behalf. Sirius had spent his whole life making sure Regulus never had to do that, never got hurt. 

He failed. 

Sirius pried the knife from his coldening hand and carved into his skin, cutting out the scar. It was horrible, and he only just managed to hide the scream, but he did it successfully, then dropped the knife. 

Regulus, who was wearing a leather jacket, took it off and put it on Sirius, zipping it closed. It was way too small and way too tight, but that might have been the point. 

There was a knock at the door and Sirius’s hands fell from the rim of the sink as he winced and backed away from the door, mind going to a natural fight or flight. it was only Lily’s voice. 

“Sirius? You okay? You’ve been in there for a really long time.” 

Had he been? It felt like only moments, only seconds. 

“Yeah. Sorry. Be right out.” He looked at the shirt on the floor and leaned down to get it, but he only bent down a few inches before his vision blurred and dimmed and a white-hot pain seared through his body. He was used to pushing his limits, used to having to go that extra mile, but he pushed too hard and his body was shutting down. He could feel the way his muscles became lead. He unlocked the door and opened it just slightly. It hadn’t even been a second since she spoke, but the pain made it feel like centuries. “Lily?” He asked, softly. 

“Yes?” She matched his volume.

“Canyouhelp…?” He mumbled incoherently, more than embarrassed at the fact he was having to ask for help. He never had before. 

She opened the door a little more and slipped inside. It was a fairly spacious bathroom for a jet, it even had a shower. 

“How?” Her eyes raked over his body before returning to his eyes once more. Sirius gestured to his shirt on the floor. 

“Can’t…” He said under his breath, eyelids beginning to close slightly. His head was starting to ache as well. Fortunately, Lily didn’t seem to need further directions. She picked the shirt up and slid the sleeves over his arm and gently put it over his head, tucking his shirt down. She did it in one swift motion, so gentle and so practiced that he knew she’d done it before. “I’m sorry. Usually... Well, I’m not…”

“It’s okay to need help, Sirius.” She seemed exhausted by that statement. One that was so clearly rehearsed. It was likely she had said it a million times. 

“I would just deal with it, but you’ve already seen. So might as well, right?” His voice still wavered with lingering bashfulness.

She gave a gentle smile before slipping back out of the room, Sirius was right behind her and went to sit in his chair. He sat down with a trained concentration and careful, steady movements. 

“Did...was...This was you right?” Sirius asked, gesturing to his bicep with the needle marks and trying to keep the tiredness from touching his voice. He met Remus’s eyes - who sat across from him.

“Yes."

“What is it?”

“It’s a lidocaine solution. Made stronger and to last longer. It’s got several other things in it, but people recognize lidocaine a lot more than others, and its a more primary base for the serum.” Sirius nodded slowly, staring out the window and seeing they were already miles off the ground. 

He tried his hardest to remember if there were bruises on his forearm before he carved out the stupid tattoo with the snake coming from the skull. But his mind was going blank, it was shutting down along with his body.

The next few hours - up to 8 - would be tense as he worked out whether or not he would have to go through withdrawal. From the earliest time they could have doped him up to now… it was all gray. There was  _ much _ to be determined. And he wasn’t happy about having to wait to find out. 

“Why do you ask?” Remus gave him an analyzing look.

“Just curious.” Sirius shrugged his shoulder, voice drifting off at the end of his sentence as his eyes closed without his permission. 


End file.
